Top Three Qualities I Like to See In Another Person

1) Integrity - That covers a lot of good qualities, including honesty and loyalty, which are highest on my list.

2) Positive Attitude - People with a positive attitude naturally have a sense of humor and react to problems and difficulties with an approach that usually leads to a positive resolution.

3) Caring Spirit - Someone who cares not only about their family and friends, but about the strangers that cross their path daily.

Great Memory That Cheers Me Up Every Time!

I was a junior in high school and my father was the coach of the boys high school lacrosse team. It was a Wednesday afternoon in the middle of April, a brisk, but sunny day that would prove to be a day I would always remember. That morning, the Newark Star Ledger came out with the top ten high school teams in boys lacrosse in the state of New Jersey. Our team was not on this list, but we were facing the number one team in the state, a much bigger high school that was expected to easily beat our squad.

With 13 seconds left in the game, the score was tied. Dad called a time out. He came up with a play where our defensemen would throw a long bounce pass up to our attackman, who would be breaking toward the ball. The other two attackmen would cut away from the goal and then back, looking for a pass, or, at the very least, keep their defensemen busy if the first attackman could beat his man and get a shot off. It was one of those very rare occasions when everything went according to plan. The long pass came down, the first attackman got the ball, beat his man and cut to the goal. The other two attackmen did their jobs and kept their defensemen busy. The first attackman got a clean shot off and the ball went in the goal with eight seconds left in the game. Our team won, 6-5 and pulled off a nice upset. That final play was really a team effort, as even a defensemen was involved in the play.

I was fortunate enough to be the one to score the winning goal, but what was great about the whole thing was how the final play involved the entire team working together and how it involved both myself and my Dad. It is something we were able to share. Having this memory that I can still share with Dad, who is now 76 years old, has been something that I have enjoyed for 31 years now. This is a little nugget that I bring out of the memory bank when I need to think of something positive.

How about you? I am interested in what great memories other people have that do the same thing for them.

What is Love?

When you love a person, you put that individual's needs above your own needs. I think sacrifice is a big part of it. Sometimes loving a person means telling them "no", as with a child that needs discipline. Sometimes loving a person means saying "goodbye," as with a spouse that no longer loves you and wants to spread his or her wings. Love is not always an easy thing, but it is the best thing that we humans have going for us and it is really our best and only hope. It makes life worth living.

I remember hearing a peace corp volunteer saying how many of the starving children in the country he was working in were more interested in being held and hugged by the aid workers than they were in being fed. They chose love over food.

What Happened to the Top 40?

I miss the old days when one radio station played everything. You could hear Steppenwolf, Donny Osmond and Johnny Cash all on the same station. Some of it you liked and some you didn't, but you were exposed to the best of each genre of music.

Not anymore.

The consoliation of the radio industry has really hurt originality and input from local stations that now simply broadcast music handed down "from corporate." And it seems like corporate runs like Dunder-Mifflin. As you move about the country, you hear the same formats that you do at home. Decisions are based on surveys and ratings and trying to please everyone. What happens is you end up pleasing no one. Everything is segmented into country, classic rock, rap, contemporary, etc. And within those categories, apparently only about 100 songs deserve airplay. And even the so-called mix stations aren't really much of a mix at all. No more intermingling of rock, pop, soul, country, instrumental, novelty and you-name-it all on one station. Nobody takes a risk anymore. One of the cool things about the Top 40 was that you were exposed to different genres of music and found out that some of it you really liked. Now it's all about making the most amount of money with the least amount of local influence.

My Best Bully Story

When I was in 5th grade, there was this kid named Rafael. He was the terror of the playground. He intimidated everyone and had the size to back up his harrassment. One of his favorite targets was the smallest boy in our class, Cameron. One winter day when we were playing dodgeball, Rafael was being particularly mean to Cameron, stealing his hat, pushing him on the ground and verbally harassing him. He had Cameron crying. For whatever reason, I decided that I had seen enough. I was tired of Rafael and his attitude. I hollared over to him, "Hey, Rafael, lay off of him." He replied with an astonished look on his face, "What did you say?" "I said lay off him."

This was major. I had just challenged the order of the universe. I knew I was in trouble, but it's one of those times when you just don't care. I just hated the way Rafael treated people, especially the weaker ones. He was a jerk. Rafael was on his way over to see me now, with a menacing look on his face. When he got near me, he started to say something, but before he finished, I grabbed him and threw him to the ground. It was a surprise attack and the 100 or so kids on the playground stood there in shock. And a circle formed immediately in anticipation of a fight. And indeed there was one. And, as it turned out, it was a pretty even match and, as I recall, there was a lot more wrestling than there were punches thrown. It was one of the few times in my life that I did something truly brave but I did pay dearly for it, suffering the wrath of Rafael and his punk friends for the rest of the year. But, when I look back on the whole thing, I still think it was worth it because I remember Cameron coming up to me later in the day with this grateful expression on his face saying "thanks, man.....that was so cool." I wish I had more of that bravery on an everyday basis. I know too many times in my life I have looked the other way. But not that day.........

Holidays Bring Joy (and Stress!)

Next Thursday is Thanksgiving Day, believe it or not! Not far behind that comes Christmas and New Year's Day. We are in the mist of another holiday season with the media blitz and advertising campaigns designed to get us to buy more stuff. Stuff that most of us do not really need. But we go ahead and buy it anyway because it is expected and let's face it, advertising works on us. We are susceptible.

My favorite holiday of the three that are coming up is by far the first one, Thanksgiving. I think what's nice about this holiday is the fact that there is a lot less pressure than there is with Christmas and even New Year's. The only pressure involved is for the food servers and maybe, for some, facing some relatives they don't particularly care to see. With Christmas, you have those concerns, plus all the other considerations that go with gift-giving. Thanksgiving is just about getting-together and giving thanks.

I remember some Thanksgivings spent with my grandparents in Baltimore. I remember some other Thanksgivings spent with friends when my wife and I were first married and could not travel to see family due to work and financial constraints. I'm bless to be able to say that most of my Thanksgivings were spent with my mother and father. And, up until the death of my grandmother in 1994, Thanksgiving always included at least one grandparent in attendance. That made it special for me. One thing that makes the holidays special for many is seeing family that you haven't seen for awhile. It can also make things difficult, however, if that family member is not there anymore or if the relationship is strained.

Whatever your situation is, we at Ask Uncle Spencer, are happy to be your extended family any day of the year. Give us a holler if you want to chat and have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Old Friends Are a Treasure

I spent the weekend in New York City a couple of weeks ago. My son goes to school in Manhatten and my daughter and I took the train to the city to visit. We spent that Saturday night with my son in his dorm room. We had a really good visit and ate dinner down at Tom's Restaurant, the same one that you see on the Seinfeld show all the time. It's a good place to eat, if you want something quick and inexpensive. On Sunday morning, I was a little worried, only because I know I have to make my way into the Bronx to see my son play in a rugby match. My son is leaving earlier in the morning with his team, so I'm going to have to find my own way to the match with my daughter. I'm excited to see the match, but a bit concerned about getting lost, as I don't know the city that well.

Earlier in the week, I had contacted one of my best friends from high school, Bob, who now lives in the Bronx, and told him I would be in the city and suggested we get together. I didn't exactly know what my schedule would be during the weekend and told him I would call later. So on Sunday morning, I called him again and we arranged to meet in upper Manhatten for lunch. Bob brought his daughter along, whom I had never met, and it was so great catching up with him and meeting her. I don't see Bob very often. In fact, sometimes as many as five or six years have passed inbetween times that we have been able to connect. What is great with old friends, however, is that you instantly pick up right where you left off with them, whether you saw them the day before, or five years before. The connection you share is just there. The conversation just flows. There's no effort involved or thought process going on. You are just friends. You always have been. You always will be.

After we had lunch, the four of us made our way to the Bronx to see my son play rugby. It was so helpful having Bob there, as he knew which bus to take and how to get to where we needed to be. To be honest, I think Bob's precocious daughter had a keener sense of direction than what Bob did, as she has grown up in the city. I don't think they realized how much stress they took off of me by getting me to the rugby match without any worries about getting lost. But that's what friends do. They make life more enjoyable.

Another unique thing that comes with old friends is the history that you share. Bob's daughter was very interested in what I had to say about how her Dad was when he was her age. And the same went for my daughter and what Bob had to say about me when I was growing up. Both of our daughters picked up on the connection and friendship that their Dads shared and I think they saw a different side of their fathers. The bottom line is that if you have an old friend, do what you can to always keep him or her in your life.